Hello again!!

Many thanks for the lovely messages on my photos!

I had uploaded them with every intention of following it up with a detailed update seeing as I have been very quiet on here of late, but GS had other ideas by coming down with a bad cold, so I had to abandon at the upload stage so in effect it was a post and run!

As you can see we had great fun doing the photoshoot, I really wanted to get a few nice bump ones with us as a momento, it just goes so fast, hard to believe baby will be here at some point by the end of next month, where has the time gone?! I still find myself smiling when I realise I will soon be a mum of two, I think for a long while this pregnancy has been very symbolic of everything we went through with GS and my miscarriage last year, so I am hoping and praying for a healthy bouncy baby this time, and will only truly feel like I can relax once baby is here (emotionally that is, not physically obviously lol!)

I get a lot of questions asked now when I am at work and in public about how far left, comments about how huge I am then in the next conversation someone will say how small I am, I have to say I feel well versed in all this from last time, people say the funniest things when they see a bump! I get a lot of obvious questions about whether its a boy or a girl, and then peoples predictions follow, but genuinely I am very keen to obviously finally meet and know the flavour of our little bundle, but not fussed at all one way or the other, I'd be very blessed to have 2 boys or a boy and a girl as my family, I do just actually want a healthy baby at the end, I just can't wait to meet them now, well maybe a few more weeks of sleep first!

My finish day for work is fast approaching, my last shift is October 18th, when I will be 36 + weeks, work have been amazing to me and very accomodating, but it is tiring to be on my feet and up and down a lot as you do, so it will be nice to be able to finish and put my feet up a bit more in the weeks approaching d-day.

I have been very organised for Christmas and have quite a few presents made and bought already, I may even admit to having my cards and giftwrap ready... it's still my intention to continue with the homemade theme of presents for family like I did last year with apple chutney ready for the making, and then shortbread, biscuits and flapjacks in the pipeline for nearer the time. I got the Lakeland xmas catalogue through the other day, oh so very tempting to go mad on cutters, craft tools and cellophane bags from there, might have to reign it in for something cheaper but still, it's always free to browse (and dream!)

Friendships

Seeing my beautiful niece and GS playing together and cuddling the other day made me reflect so much on my own friendships, particularly as there have been some emotional moments lately with some of them.

There is 9 months between A and GS and they both adore one another, GS is definitely the loud and crazy one and A is far more reserved and quiet but between them they have so much fun and share pretty well, a rare find in toddlers! I hope as they grow older together they will always be close, they will go to different schools because of where we live but I hope they'll have each other plus any other further siblings that come along to always rely on and be there for each other, those sorts of friendships are so important when you are growing up.

I have some very dear friends who I have known many years, some who I don't see as much as I would like to or don't have so much in common any more but we still have a great time when we get to catch up. Then there are friends who are like-minded & wonderful but live miles away or even in another country, some who I have never met in person but am so close to, thanks to the marvellous media of the internet we have found each other and share so much, but it sucks we can never really meet up and share a coffee or help one another out with babysitting, or give a proper hug when we need one! I also have friends that I would like to be closer with but I just struggle to meet them on the same page, either we have very different lives and perspectives so struggle to find middle ground any longer, or no matter what efforts are made we just seem to stay distant.

The latter has particularly been upsetting this week as it involves a family member, well someone who will be joining our family but still seems very reticent to become a part of it. I suppose I feel sad really that a potential close friendship is being pushed away, for whatever reason I am not entirely sure, the main ingredients seem there, we like similar things, we live close to one another, we have been through a lot of similar situations, but still despite many efforts we aren't close and can not really be termed friends. It's quite a shame really, but these things cannot be forced, who knows what the future may bring, but certainly for now I am making the decision to remain open in case that person needs me, but will stand back and give space from now on to let the dust settle and the distance remain.

Reminiscing and despair

This is the beautiful view over Derbyshire from the platform of the hotel where Mr G.T & I had our wedding reception 3 and a bit years ago. It's the first time strangely we have returned to it since that day and it was to celebrate my Grandma's 80th birthday last weekend with a family meal. I loved returning, it was such a special day and it naturally has a place in my heart for that reason, but it is also just such a breathtaking view, and a beautiful place. Another happy couple were celebrating their special day that night, and it made me want to do it all over again in a silly way, one of those days you'd like to relive again given the chance.

We went to our first car boot Sunday and Mr G.T was suitably impressed, he bought more things than I did (I merely got a lb of delicious plums! but they are oh so amazing....look!)

Despite the fun moments of the weekend I am sat here now feeling quite exhausted; physically because it's been a hectic day at work and looks set to be as equally busy tomorrow, but also emotionally as certain family members are driving me to despair with their attitudes and behaviour. I love my family, but try as hard as I can they annoy me at times. If only I could try and change their ways a little, make them appreciate what they have instead of always complaining about things and seeing themselves as hard done by, try and get them to open up and be close to me a bit more rather than being brusque and rude, it isn't hard to try and see things from other people's point of view, yet some seem to really struggle and only have a 1-sided view that they refuse to shift from. It's tiring and I am at the point of despair really, not knowing what to do. I desperately want them to be happy, and to enjoy all we can together, but on each rejection and day of sniping & moaning from them I wonder what it is I can try to do to make things better. I think after all I have been through this year alone I'd have more than enough reason to be introvert and moody, but i am not, I try to reach out to them still. It hurts quite a bit.

I nearly forgot to mention my crafting, I haven't started the bunting yet as I thought i'd do a few mini-projects to perfect my sewing before i tackled something for GS's room, but I am pleased to say I have made a couple of fabric drink mats that suit our living room colours beautifully, i'm still in dire need of skills but am perfecting them slowly but surely, every project will be a lesson in how to improve and what I can try better next time.

Here's one of the mats